Breakup: How To Get Your Ex Back before Divorce

Breakup: How To Get Your Ex Back before Divorce

There are two men in your life. One is sweet and sincere (Mr. Nice). You care about him. You know he is good for you. The other man is not so sincere (Mr. Naughty). He knows what buttons to push and exactly how to push them. He treats you like… you know the word. This is the one you want even though you know he is definitely not the one for you, at least outside the bedroom.

Such a naughty boy and you cannot get a commitment. It is unfortunate that the best of both worlds cannot be yours. However, sister if you can handle it…go for the gusto!

Men do it all the time. If a woman does it she is dubbed a “Hoe.” This sounds like a double standard to me. In this case “what’s good for the goose is not good for the gander.” I’m not saying that women should do this. I’m just making a point.

The truth of the matter is that in situations like this people get hurt and intentionally hurting someone is wrong. So in the best interest of all concerned, you have to make a choice. Those are a hell of a pair of shoes to walk in.

A male friend once told me he had two women, a good girl and a bad girl. He said that he couldn’t find all qualities he wanted in one woman. He wanted a woman that was a lady on the outside and a woman that was naughty in the bedroom. He said the problem started when the bad girl wanted to take up some of the good girl’s time. So what did the brother do? He cut them both loose and started all over again. My, my how shameful. Should a woman consider doing such a thing?

Back to the fella who treats you like…you know. Ladies we’ve all have had friends or acquaintances that have complained about being in this type of relationship He is fantastic in bed, on the floor, in the shower, in the chair, on the wall and on the stairs. No further elaboration is needed. You get the point, I am sure. The problem is he just is not good for much else.

Why do you want to put yourself through the torture? Let me retract that question. We know why. How long can you endure? Is it really worth it? Remember you have this other guy who is vying for your attention and affection. You know this is a wonderful man and will be very good to you. Why not cut lover boy loose? Wrong question again. Unfortunately, we don’t always want what’s good for us.

Let the “Drama King go” After a while riding the whirlwind becomes a tedious task. You will probably get tired of your time with him being juggled. After all he has to have time for the other woman or women. Besides, trying to keep your bearings with all that turbulence going on is a hell. “No Appointment Necessary is the better option.”

Let the nice guy know what you want. Tell him what you need. I’m sure he will gladly comply. Be warned, don’t make it into a workshop or seminar thing and don’t make demands. Be tactful. Too much instruction becomes a bit overwhelming and the last thing you want to do is question his manhood. Most important be patient! When things get a little rough, whatever you do not call Mr. Naughty. He is waiting to fit you into his schedule. Thinking headfirst may help you to avoid making that phone call.

Rationalize and ask yourself a few questions. The answers may further empower you to move toward the positive pole. Of course I mean that in a literal context:

Question #1

What does Mr. Naughty have to offer besides good sex?

Answer: Nothing

Question #2

Are you happy in this so-called relationship outside the sex? Forget about the bed, the wall, the chair…etc

Answer: No

Question #3

Are you at your wits because you know this is a lose / lose situation?

Answer: Yes

 

Question #4

Do you think you can change him?

Answer: Yes? / No?

If your answer is yes, then as Brian McKnight sings “after all your work is done, go back to one” because gurl…you got issues!

Ultimately, the decision is yours. We have to recognize that too often we are in relationships for all the wrong reasons. Why should we add fuel to the fire by fostering men’s negative behaviors? The idea that a woman will accept what ever is thrown her way because of good sex is ludicrous and unrealistic. Wake up brothers!

What is a good man? Everyone has his or her own meaning. Whatever the definition, we all know they are hard to find. Remember he may be looking for you also. If you should be destined to encounter the perfect package (Mr. Nice and Mr. Naughty who doesn’t treat you like…you know), hold him close to your heart. He is a rare gift. In any event it is your choice.

All right ladies, here we go again. Remember that man that treats you like….you know.

He has you thinking that you are stark raving mad for wanting him despite the way he treats you. He is good in the bedroom but good for nothing else. He won’t commit only bull…you know that word too.  However, like the old folks use to say “He doesn’t have a pot to piss in anyway. Here is a case history in the Mr. Naughty vs Mr. Nice saga.

A woman was sitting in her office reflecting on a broken relationship. Looking back, the realization that the relationship would not have worked anyway is apparent. Self-centeredness, egocentrism, the lack of regard for the others feelings, and the failure to reach manhood (more than a male sex organ is required), would have made a permanent union less than harmonious, to say the least.

Disastrous is a good description.  Was it love or obsession? “Yes”, she thought, “I loved him”. The guy was so busy thinking about his self, all wrapped up in his lies, deceit, and he did not want to give up the game. He wanted to be the ladies man, living the naughty life. He did not realize that a good woman really loved him. Perhaps his behavior stemmed from fear of commitment and insecurity. The selfishness was just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe he just wanted to play. Maybe the other woman was the better woman. MAYBE ALL THE OTHER WOMEN WERE BETTER WOMEN. Who in the hell knows? He said he loved her. Bull…you know. The lady was willing to accept him for who and what he was and she did not care about the pot. The brother should have recognized Now the lady doesn’t give a …you know that word too.

One man’s loss is another man’s gain. Remember that? What goes around comes around. Yes, all of this is quite cliché, but the indications are certainly valid.

Mr. Nice on the other hand is fantastic. He knows that a woman is to be treated like the Black Queen she is. He is true in all his sincerity. He was a friend who was there when the drama was escalating with the bad guy, listening, reassuring, comforting and asking for nothing in return.  Not once did he try to take advantage of the situation. The lady was given his shoulder free of charge. He became a best friend. He was patient. His assertiveness, and strength are admired. Not bad for a nice guy. Right?

In addition, he has everything to offer. Not only does he have the pot, the brother owns it. This revelation became apparent in the aftermath of the drama. There was so much pain, a lost of sight ensued. She was blind but now she sees. Her thoughts now were of getting down to the business of putting her life into perspective

These are some suggestions for repairing the damage:

  1. Never allow yourself to be treated less than you deserve.  You are special and should be treated as such.
  2. Never trash your pride for the sake of love. In true love it is never lost it is strengthened.
  3. If the ship is sinking, jump ship before it goes down. Don’t be a hero. You can’t save something that is hopeless.  Besides, most heroes end up dead. This is not a cause worth dying for.
  4. Ending a relationship is often painful.  Cry, if you must, get it over with and move on.  All that energy put into grieving can be redirected into a more positive direction.  Get involved with things that you enjoy, hobbies, work on a project, etc.
  5. Keep focused.  Set goals for yourself and adhere to achieving them.  Make a list and check them off as you achieve them. From this point on it is full speed.
  6. Memories of the past can come back to haunt you. Sure there were good times, but they are gone. The bad times, they almost killed you!
  7. Never look back. Certain things about a person will never change.  An attempt to transform them will probably be futile.  Once it’s gone, you can’t get it back.  Sometimes if you do, it will never be the same.   Another old cliché is; “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”  A new cliché…you can’t teach an old man either. Who needs the …remember that word?
  8. Take it slow.  Loneliness and hurt can make one act irrationally.  Sometimes it is better to get rid of the void than to fill it. Relationships are built on friendship first.  Love does not happen overnight. Perchance that I does happen that way, keep in mind that it takes time to grow and flourish.

The most important thing is to love your self first:

  • Pamper yourself.
  • Be good to yourself
  • Know that you do not have to change who or what you are to appease anyone
  • Have confidence in yourself
  • Don’t blame yourself for things you have no control over… __ happens, you know?
  • Let no one destroy your self-esteem
  • Become familiar with inside of you

Once you know yourself and love yourself, then you can love someone else

“When you’re ready,” he told her.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready,” she replied honestly. “It seems I have a lot of repairing to do.”

It seems the lady is getting it together.  No …you know that word

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